THE BLIRT 10/24

Before I get into what's going on this week, I have a few housekeeping things to take care of:

Facebook Status Quote of the Week
"Matt loves the trend of Hussein being everyone's middle name. I would be Matt Hussein Hussong."

Random Hatred for Renee
From a BLIRTy reader in NYC:
"Seeing your hatred for Renee Zelwegger reminded me of 2 things....

1. my grandma (who is turning 91 this weekend actually) always says that whenever Renee smiles it "looks like she's smelling a fart." Yes my grandmother says that. Now it's obvious as to where I get my tact

and...

2. We call my friend Jeannine "Renee" because she bears quite the resemblence to your favorite lady"

I will not share the photo without her authorization, but I personally think she looks more like the much cuter Jewel. And GO GRANDMA!

UNDIES
Nope...they didn't hold up through washings. I shelled out a ton of cash for one pair of undies - and was quite happy with them in the beginning, butttt they didn't work out and today is the LAST day I will be wearing them. Dang.

RAYS
Check out this demanding little note I received on Sunday from a BLIRTy friend in Tampa:
"I expect a shout out for the Rays in your next BLIRT...We are your home away from home..."

WOW! These few words seemed to be packed with begging, maybe a bit of anger, and perhaps LOVE? I'm trying to figure it out...I couldn't help myself and had to write back, "what are the Rays?" hahaha.

But...GO RAYS!

FRIDAY SONG OF THE DAY
What would we do without YouTube?

Oasis : The Shock of the Lightning

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa1wepRzyMU

FORGET HOUSEKEEPING...WHAT'S UP THIS WEEK?
Finally! Some drama! Thank goodness for the NY Post...they are not afraid to print anything, including:

LiLo went all nuts on the set of "Ugly Betty," wouldn't go on the set until everyone was there and ready to go and she trashed the dressing room. Now she'll only be on 4 episodes instead of six. I think the world is ready for a little stupid celebrity drama again, right?!

TomKat supposedly is on a buying spree for apartments...they now have 5 lofts in a NYC building in the East Village? MAN! Maybe Scientology is the way to go in life...they may be the only ones on a spending spree these days.

Naomi Campbell is denying she's preggers...Jamie Lynn is denying she's preggers...my nephew's girlfriend is denying she's preggers...(haha...I couldn't resists that personal redneck comment, but true story)

How great that we're all going to get a free can of Dr. Pepper, now that GN'R will be releasing their album this year! Talk about taking me back to the days of high school...I drank so much Dr. Pepper and listened to so much GN'R that my teeth hsould have fallen out and my ear drums should have burst. Oh...it takes me back...

Brooke Shields is apparently making her kids' Halloween costumes and says she's been busy gluing Dalmation spots on the costumes - is this big news?

And on a last personal note...my father somehow thinks that President Bush is the best president we've ever had. I blame this on the onset of dementia and since he's also pretty deaf, I am now quietly saying, "GO OBAMA" low enough so he can't really hear what I'm saying, but hoping that I'm secretely brainwashing him.

On that note, GO OBAMA! And have a great weekend!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 10/17 & Joe The Plumber, Of Course!

FACEBOOK

I think we need to start a section to feature the best Facebook Status comments - thoughts? I am one of many, many people addicted to Status updates, and I'm thankful for the Facebook link on my blackberry so I can check it every three minutes!

Take this note, for instance:

"Stacy went to a horror play, then hung out with a circus performer. Random night."

YEAH, that IS a random night! This little tidbit makes me want to know more about the story, but it's just enough to make me giggle and laugh at Stacy.

It's also fun to see the updates during the presidential debates. One of my favorites was:

"Melinda is looking for "Joe Plumber's" profile on Facebook."

Everyone was ranting about Joe the Plumber, but she was the first to tie it back to everyone being on Facebook. Brilliant.

Last night I was on the train and had to share my gross commute with everone (go figure):

"Patti is sitting next to a man on the train who is chewing peanuts with his mouth open. I love the smell of peanut butter, but this is nasty!!"

For some reason, even though that experience made me a bit nauseous last night, I woke up craving peanut butter and had to get an English Muffin w/PB this morning. Unfortunately, this is what happens when you put cold PB on a hot toasted muffin - it tasted good, though!

There is soooo much going on this week, right?

Not really sure what McCain was thinking here, but it's quite a photo:


"Wed Oct 15, 11:15 PM ETUS Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain (R-AZ) reacts to almost heading the wrong way off the stage after shaking hands with Democratic presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) at the conclusion of the final presidential debate at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York, October 15, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Bourg (UNITED STATES) US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN 2008"

I'm also not sure what he was thinking with Joe the Plumber, but that guy is HATING (I'm sorry...should I pull a Palin and say 'hatin' now?) LIFE right now. Not only did we find out he doesn't have a plumbing license and isn't part of the plumber's union, but he also owes back taxes, his company's union supports Obama, he was once listed as a memeber of the Natural Law Party, and he only discussed buying the plumbing company back in 2002 when he interviewed with them. And after all of this, his taxes would actually be lower under the Obama plan. You can't make this stuff up! Clearly he is having a very bad week.

Also not having a good week is David Duchovny - apparently, he's been in NYC trying to lay low, but he was out for a jog a few days ago and ended up jogging by a restaurant where Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were eating, and WHAM! Millions of paparazzi were there to snap some photos...

Having a great week are execs at AIG! Do they have any openings? They just went on a nice littel huntin' trip:

"...AIG officials declined to say which AIG executives attended the trip, which reports have said racked up an $86,000 tab. News of the hunting trip surfaced just days after AIG received an additional $37.8 billion loan from the Federal Reserve, on top of a previous $85 billion emergency loan granted last month."

• Jamie Lynn preggers again? Her camp is saying "absolutely NOT!" We'll see...
  
• Peter Cook (Brinkley's ex) may be more of a scumbag than we thought...a s.e.x. tape has surfaced with him and Bianchi in his office (gross) and she may not have known he was taping? What is wrong with people?
  
• Stevie Wonder said one of his houses was destroyed in the wild fires in CA, but his reps are saying his houses are fine? what's up with this?
  
• Apparently, the term Cougar does not apply to all older women with younger men. So, if you're in your early 30's and you're dating a boy in his 20's, you should consider yourself a PUMA. Pre-Cougar is apparently now Puma. Does that apply to 37 years old??? hhhmmm...

So have a GREAT HAIR DAY today!! (mine is FANTASTIC today, if I do say so myself).

Have an awesome weekend!

Enjoy your Friday Song of the Day:

Snow Patrol : Take Back the City

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjD8KuQipAk

Me and my fabulously straight hair are off...

THE BLIRT 10/10 & OMG, SHE OPENED HER EYES!

I have to start out with the Friday Song of the Day and thank our BLIRTy Music Correspondent for sending in a song that very well could be our BLIRTy theme song!

"Oh no you didn't" : Wojahn Brothers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fKcZ0OPNKw

And, yes, I did:

I AM IN DISBELIEF and in a bit of shock, but photos don't (usually) lie. It's true... Renee has been photographed recently with her eyes open...some! I also like that she had dinner at a place called "Swifty's" last weekend - I may have to start calling her "Swifty" for the heck of it.


I need help with letting go of my very random hatred for her.

Also needing help is Michelle Rodriguez!! She apparently went all crazy at the Mayfair Hotel in Miami on Sunday when her roommie locked her out of the room. I stayed there in May...my timing was wayyy off...dang!

Did anyone see a plastic-glass house in Times Square? (um...not even sure what that means, but maybe it was too 'cool' to be called plexiglass?) I totally missed it, but people participated in a Netflix Popcorn Movie Bowl event and watched 57 films in 123 hours with only 10 minute breaks between the films. Had I known about it, I may have actually sucked it up and walked through Times Square to check it out! They should have done that during the writer's strike when there weren't any good TV shows on - imagine how backed up these people are on Tivo now!

What else?

• Taylor Hicks has his own label???? I won't get started on that, but what the heck name is Modern Whomp?
• Did everyone turn off the debate this week after hearing..."blah, blah, blah...I have nothing new to say...just want to point fingers...spit out all my lies...blah, blah, blah"? It was more fun to sit online at the same time on http://www.factcheck.org/ to find out what the real story was behind the lies. LIES!
• What happened with Miley last weekend? She celebrated her birthday at Disney and closed the park, but my oh, so liberal (sarcasm) Florida sources say she "ticked off all the gays" - was it a rainbow flag special weekend? Bummer.
• O.J. got juiced this week. finally. love that.
• Nick Nolte's house burned down - have you seen him on Entourage? He is hysterical on that show!
• Speaking of Entourage, this week's episode was the BEST EVER. I've never eaten 'shrooms, but now I sort of want to (too chicken to ever try anything, to be honest). I laughed hysterically the entire episode. It was just so much fun.
• I loves, loves, loves this video of Paris and Martin Sheen ... check it out... http://www.people.com/people/news/0,,,00.html
  

RANDOM STUFF FROM BLIRTy READERS

"One of the winners from Top Model was spotted at Tito's Taco in Hermosa on Monday."

Yes, that was a sighting sent in by a dude. Seriously? No name? No photo? No color commentary? nuthin'?? Guys suck. Here's a better sighting from a chick (sorry to bash guys):

"This is random, but I don't know if you're up on all the New Kids hoopla, but I was at the Borgota in AC last weekend and they were doing an appearance at Mixx the night club and it was ridiculous. Joey and Donnie were the only ones to show up but the women were clawing their way to the VIP area. It was insane. It was like nothing has changed in 15 years. My sister actually got a chance to kiss Joey on the cheek. I was so jealous. Check out my blog about it... "

http://www.eatsleepbreathemusic.com/eat_sleep_breathe_music/2008/09/omg-im-such-a-new-kids-groupie.html

"love the blirt and fyi - being a mom who has 12 -14 year old babysitters, i would say the side pony tail IS back only it's a bit different. before it was high on the side above the ear. now it seems it's low, below the ear and very loose in the pony tail. if someone come over with one i will take a photo and send it."

YES!! Please, please, please take a photo for us - that is AWESOME!

I love when BLIRTy readers send follow-up pics. As a perfect example, here's a BLIRTy girl who thought of me when she saw a BABY PIGEON! Again...those are VERY RARE and it's a treat when you actually see one. They were running away from her and mommy pigeon was being very protective, but I'm so excited for her that she saw one!

So that's quite a bit for one BLIRT. Have a happy weekend! I'm off...

THE BLIRT - OMG 10/3!

(let me just say...I posted this Thursday night so it would go out on Friday morning to everyone...it's now 4:40pm on Friday and it hasn't been emailed yet, so I'm going to add in the Song of the Day. I know I signed up for a free blog, but seriously...they can't send an email on time EVER?)

HAVE I GOT A TREAT FOR YOU this Friday!!

Here's a fantastic mullet from a lady at the airport in Pittsburgh. Cropped nice and TIGHT!



But, NO! I'm not just being a mean and critical person - I'm laughing because it takes me back to my mullet days in high school! Not even kidding - here's a photo of me in class with my awful hair. I believe it was American History...why in the world was I standing in the front of the class? I have no idea. I'm in the crazy white sweat suit with the big AHS letters on the sweatshirt and "cheerleader" down the leg of the sweat pants that seem to be pulled up to my belly button. WHOA.

I'm sure no one is surprised by the cheerleader thing, but I need to point out my cheerleader friend to my left with the side ponytail. As a friend actually mentioned today - when is the side ponytail going to come back???


I thank Facebook for this photo...the cute dirty-blond guy next to me posted the photo and tagged me. Thank you for that, Chuck. You only posted because you think you were cute. We WILL face off over this at our 20 year reunion next year!

Is it more embarrassing to mention that the name of my high school is "Astronaut High School" in Titusville, Florida? Yep..."Space Coast" - go figure.

Did everyone watch the V.P. debate Thursday night? Going back to Facebook...it's actually hysterical to see everyone's comments during the debate. But the best one ever was a friend complaining about how all Republicans say NUC-U-LER instead of proper pronunciation of the word nuclear. Seriously. It's been one of my biggest pet peeves in my life and I would have been incredibly intoxicated if I had taken a drink every time Palin said nuc-u-ler.

But what real "news" did we miss this week?

• Jeremy J. is PSYCHED that Brit Brit is making a comeback. He thinks it's a huge comeback and he still loves her horrible new song. I told him to be careful with his emotions - she'll stomp on him with all sorts of crazy the first chance she gets. Right now her dad is asserting himself as a father and it seems to be working. There's a life lesson...there may be hope for fathers everywhere.
• Very sad about whatever is going on with Heather Locklear. I think she's someone that everyone actually likes!
• Shia LaBeouf is apparently accident-prone. I'm sure there are a few ladies out there who would be willing to volunteer to be his at-home nurse!
• Oh, so funny...do you get the daily headlines? Send me a note if you don't but want them...a headlines reader picked up on a major typo: "Scarlett Johansson was recently overheard telling a friend that her husband, Ryan Reynolds is a gook in the kitchen." His reply? "Apparently, he cooks a lot of Chinese. heyyyyyyyyooooo, I'll be here all week!" Awesome. I only take credit for typos in the BLIRT, which I'm sure there are many.
• Madonna's adopted son had a "mini-meltdown" as they left the Kabbalah Center in NYC...Sarah F. wondered how a 2-year old has a mini-meltdown because she thinks it's just considered being a kid. But she doesn't know what goes on in those Kabbalah Centers, does she??
• DUDE...Oprah's mom is suing a store for suing her over $156k she owes them - her case is that the store shouldn't have extended her that much credit. REALLY? She's Oprah's frickin' mother!!
• Is anyone following the O.J. trial in Vegas? The NY Post has a meter everyday on whether he'll be Juiced or not...yet again, I cannot wait.
• Ooh...lastly, you may not follow NYC news, but a cop shot a taser at a crazy naked guy on a balcony and the guy fell to his death. Well, the cop just killed himself because he was afraid of being charged. That's just a sad story on all ends.
• Also sad is a silly clip from USA Today this week - there's a new freeway in Utah that is the cause of over 17 deaths of raccoons. Poor things aren't getting any support from locals, though, because they "are not native to Utah adn take a heavy toll on eggs from birds' nests in the wetlands." Here comes PETA!

As a last treat for the day, here's your Friday Song of the Day from our BLIRTy Music Girl:

Snow Patrol : Take Back the City

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjD8KuQip

So...have a spectacular Friday (or whatever day you finally get this) and go out and find something fun to do this weekend. I'll be heading out for a day of road biking somewhere and hope to not get lost in NJ and also hope to not have a flat tire...I have no clue how to change a tire on a road bike.

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 9/28

WOW! Pasties are a real thing and not just something for the 'adult' industry! Two...yes, I said, TWO BLIRTy girls knew what that church was selling (reference to last BLIRT). What do I do now with all the $$ raised for the church to buy more letters?? (kidding.)

Here are the replies - apparently known in the Midwest and Pennsylvania - and they sound amazing! mmmmmm...I'm HUNgry!

Well, Pasties really can be something you eat. I am from the midwest and can verify that they are commonly found in the Upper Peninsula (UP) of Michigan and the northern parts of Wisconsin. They are a tradition brought over by Cornish settlers who found them a very handy way of carrying their lunch with them to work. Pasties come in a few variations, but they are most commonly found as onion, potatoes, and beef wrapped in a pastry/pie crust type dough.....they are actually quite good :) I hope this clears the confusion.....and yes, the name is chuckled about in the midwest :) Here is a link to a recipe: www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/262/Authentic_UP_Pasties22289.shtml

lol...coming from a gal in PA...Pasties is an actual meal believe it or not. Here is a link explaining the pasty. Too funny!!! We were cracking up about this all weekend. http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Pasty

Getting back to the financial drama we're going through, one bitter BLIRTy boy doesn't seem to be too worried about some of the folks getting severance:

"The guys at Lehman are smart.. They will be fine... But excuuuuuussseeeee me if i'm not so upset.. The average pay was $335K. Why don't they try being an asst. media planner making $28K, working on weekends and late at night..."

Yes, but speaking from experience, life gets sooo much better at an ad agency when you finally hit that $30k mark after about 7 years!

Before I get to last week's happenings, here's a pic from my triathlon this morning. I met a 51 year old woman who never had children (nothing wrong with that, ladies!) and never got married (nothing wrong with that, ladies!), but has lived with her man for about 30 years (again...) and has a great time just living life. We ran together for a bit until she PASSED me right up...she is my new idol in this life. Dang.

So what did we miss last week? I also missed the headlines since it was a busy week, so let's see...

• Rest in Peace, Paul Newman. Very sad, but what a great life he had, eh? And he was SMOKIN' HOT his entire life! Such a pretty man...we need to bottle some of those genes.
• During the debate on Friday, I will now officially require "precondition" before I speak with anyone. But my 16 year old niece may be available on occasion.
• Justin is house hunting in NYC? OMG, I'm going to freak out!
• Lindsay Lohan is officially dating Ronson. Does anyone care? Is this why she was such a train wreck for so long? Go back into the closet...In Touch needs to sell more magazines!
• Brit Brit's song is not only not good, it's absolutely atrocious!! I'm sorry, Jeremy J., but I listened to it on the radio and while I'm usually the first to support her, this song blows and there are NO redeeming qualities.
• OMG! Clay Aiken is GAY? How did I miss that!! hahahaha...
• Myspace launched a music player last week? Maybe Myspace needs to be on Facebook. Seriously, everyone is on Facebook, right? I know more about my old high school buddies' lives than I know about my own life!
• Emmy wins for Mad Men and 30 Rock may not mean people will tune in and give the shows better ratings. Because people are stupid. (was that too harsh?)

And to end on a happy note - here's last Friday's Song of the Day...a bit late since my days were all jammed up last week! I'll be like Avis this week and try harder.

"So my mortgage company bought my bank – nice to see it’s all in the family, huh? The country is a mess – so I thought that I would send something somewhat uplifting!"

(Song will automatically play when the site opens)http://www.imeem.com/ingridmichaelson/music/yGU7WvGM/ingrid_michaelson_be_ok/

Have a GREAT Monday!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 9/19

Oh, what a week...what a week...in honor of Friday, let's start out with the Friday Song of the Day that will have you tappin' your toes and singing, "Hey! I love you! I love you! I love you!"

Michael Franti and Speahead : Say Hey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoaTl7IcFs8

First of all, I am (surprisingly) so very proud of J-Lo for completing a very respectful sprint triathlon in Malibu last weekend. She swam a 1/2 mile in 20 minutes in ice cold & wavy water, had an okay bike ride, and then ran 4 miles in just over 38 minutes. She could have trimmed off 3 minutes in her first transition (from swim to bike), but she can be proud, proud, proud! Then she jetted back to the East Coast for her hubby's birthday party - RESPECT!

What I don't think is very respectful is this sign outside of a church in the Poconos...am I missing something, or is the sign way off base? Pasties being sold at a church? Did they mean Pastries???? Someone needs to take up a collection for letters...


Insanity is all over the place this week...there are Lehman Brothers offices in my building and it was quite sad to see people walking out with boxes on Monday. Their main building is one block away...zero activity. Makes for a very quiet and drama-free subway ride to work, but I can't really enjoy that because the situation is so very sad. Don't get me started on McCain and Hillary saying they saw this coming 2 years ago.

In case you missed any of the insanity going on this week in the headlines, here are a few that were noteworthy:

• Who said, "Addiction, if untreated, can lead to jail, institutions and death"? Oh, yeah...that was Tatum O'Neal commenting on the arrest of Ryan O'Neal and his 23 year old son! Fortunately, Ryan's lawyer is saying that the drugs are not his - it's amazing how drugs just show up!
• Speaking amazing quotes, did you catch the interview on BET with R. Kelly? The host asked him straight out if he likes teenage girls. He said, "When you say 'teenage,' how old are we talking?" C'MON- that is BRILLIANT!
• I now need to see the new Clooney movie - apparently the 'toys' he totes around are selling like hotcakes! What are they? Are they that good?
• Here we go again wtih our Brit Brit soap opera. Just when you think she's doing well, BAM. Nothing major, but her case about her driving without a license will most likely be going to trial. Can't catch a break.
• It's great that Gary Coleman is still insane, though. That's always fun. He just punched someone out for taking a photo with their camera phone!

Finally, what do these things have in common:

1. Nasty armpit body odor on the subway
2. Stale urine smells on NJ Transit
3. Second-hand smoke on every street in Manhattan
4. Wayyy too much perfume at the gym (who wears perfume to the gym, anyway?)

Unfortunately, I smelled all of these all day on Wednesday and I've been nauseous ever since.

Have a great Friday and a lovely weekend! I'm off...

THE BLIRT 9/12

With the weight of the world on everyone's shoulders this week with the anniversary of 9/11, I'm just going to say ALWAYS REMEMBER. Yesterday's news covered so much that I'm going to move on to much lighter topics...I don't have headlines yet today, but here's some random crap:

So my undies were a big hit with everyone (except one guy told me I was a bit pervy in the last BLIRT)! I'll keep you posted on how they hold up through the wash and if they make me happy long-term. Also, for those interested, they're Calvin Klein brand...I believe they are the Seemlessly Fit Naked line. Love that microfiber!

I will say that that another pair of Calvins also helped me make it through a Boot Camp class this week @ Warrior Fitness Boot Camp! Everyone in the office has been going lately. I was so jealous that people were barely able to walk after taking a class, so I took a class earlier this week to check it out.

It is AWESOME (not to mention, the instructor/owner is smokin' hot)! Here's a pic of the gym...they had us jumping hurdles, lots of push ups and sit ups, running around the track, whatever you call it hanging from the monkey bars and "walking" across, running up stairs with and without a medicine ball...lots of stuff. So cool! They didn't have us climb the walls or climb the ropes in this class, but I imagine that's a crazy challenge.

Unfortunately, I wasn't sore after the class...had to send them a note that if I buy a package, they have to kill me more. Yes, I am a man.

So on my way into the office this morning, I was passed by a very, very, very tall woman. Jealous? Of course. First of all, I like being in front of everyone walking. I like to be first. But her long legs made her very, very quick and she zoomed right by me. I also realized that the top of my head did not even reach her shoulder blades. This pic doesn't really do her justice, but oh how I wish I had those legs...

Here's your ROCK SONG of the Day...our BLIRTy Music Girl is a total rocker chick...

AC/DC’s back and they still rock!!!

AC/DC : Rock n Roll Train

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YTYiuIHF3I

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! STAY AWAY FROM THE EYE OF THE HURRICANE!! (see...I am very service-oriented!)

I'm off..

THE BLIRT 9/9 - Christmas in September!

Even though it feels like the longest week in history already (yeah...yeah...I know it's only Tuesday), it has been a great morning. TMI, but my brand new undies were a joy on my walk to work this morning and I'm still happy about them at 10am!

So let's have a fun day, shall we?

Speaking of undies, there's an unwashed pair going up on eBay (no, not mine...) of MICHAEL JACKSON's! So gross...so gross...so grossssssss! They're a pair from the '03 molestation case and they're starting the bid t $1 million. Really?

How do you change the topic after that? Must...change...gears!!

Okay, my former DIRTy readers are still looking out for me...remember the days of holiday lights in the middle of April? This takes the cake:

So I know how you feel about christmas lights up well after the holidays, but I’ve got something better for ya.

Get this, I’m over my friends house the other day and I look in the corner of her living room and what do I see??? A christmas tree, that’s right a big old fake tree about 8 feet tall---and it gets better...ALL of the ornaments were still on!! Plus, the little snow bunnies and other holiday décor are also sitting there on the fireplace and scattered throughout the room. So I do a double take and ask, “hmm, why is there a christmas tree still up in the middle of september?” and she’s like “oh, my mom’s on strike. She’s mad that no one ever helps her put it up and take it down so this year she decided to prove a point..”

Also fantastic are these commercials sent by our BLIRTy Music Correspondent. Is she allowed to watch TV if she's our music girl? But, anyway, not only will these commercials make you laugh, but they're quite effective. I feel like I NEED these appliances in my life now!

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen these, but these ads were all over the TV in Ft. Myers when I was on vacation last week. I found these to be rather amusing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgxcYz5cLN8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx7DBlrlzyc


What else is fun today?

• Will Lance come out of retirement? Did he NOT watch the Seinfeld episode where George was all about going out on a high note?
• Is Ellen the new face of CoverGirl?????? OMG, who doesn't love Ellen????
• J.T. canceled a meet & greet after his fashion show because he wasn't feeling well...let's hope it's not from eating at his NYC restaurant. Which I still have not been to...
• Bon Jovi was having fun tooling around NYC this week with his son who was wearing a Power Ranger costume. I don't know why the NY Post thinks this is news...on this fun Tuesday, I think we should all run around in some sort of costume!

Okay...I have a ton of work to get to, so HAVE A FUN DAY!

Me & my new undies are off...(okay, that didn't sound quite right)

THE BLIRT 9/5

Okay, I really do NOT want to get into politics with everyone, but I have a few things to rant about. Feel free to disagree, but no need to get angry at me for it...it's just my opinion, folks!

1. While I think that Palin kicked butt in her speech, and I seem to like her as a person, I'm still angry with the Republican Party for putting her on the ticket and now I really, really hate the party. They're only about the GAME and will do anything to win. Not that there's anything wrong with winning, but politics and politicians tick me off. George W. never even wanted to be President but he was pushed into it by the GOP...I'm still annoyed by that.

2. How little of a mad must Palin's husband feel? He really does look like he's 12 years old and a bit of a fish out of water. I love this quote from him, though: "Is it just me or do things move quick around here? It feels like just a few days ago, I was working at the North Pole on the night shift." No...nothing wrong with his line of work...I just thought the quote was sad, in a way. And the proper word is "quickly."

3. The debates are going to be GOOOOOOOD! At least I hope.

So what's going on that's more fun for a Friday? Not much, really...

• Drama with NKOTB? Seems that they may not be getting along very well...I know everyone out there is really, really, really hoping they make it through their awesome tour (sarcasm...)!
• Li-Lo won't pose for Playboy for $700,000 - what is this world coming to? Come on already...we don't want a clean Lindsay roaming around town! So boring.
• Nothing else really...this weekend starts Fashion Week, so J.T. is in town and I'll be on the look-out...everything else in the world is blah, blah, blah.

Anyone have anything interesting going on in their lives?

At least we have the Friday Song of the Day from our BLIRTy Music Correspondent - she picked a happy little friendly song for the day:

::: Alejandro Escovedo - Always a Friend :::

Click here to listen to the Music Download:

http://www.artistdirect.com/nad/window/media/player/listen/0,,4703734,00.html

Enjoy your post-holiday Friday and have a great weekend!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 9/1 - AND GUSTAV

Happy Labor Day, everyone!

This is just a quick note to brag about being on vacation in Moab, Utah, and also link you all with a blog a friend is keeping while she and her family ride out Hurricane Gustav. Meant to post last night, but it's not very easy to get on a computer in the middle of these mountains (here's a pic outside the restaurant at the Red Cliff's Lodge...this does not suck):



Also what doesn't suck, is the hiking and biking and kayaking and everything else to do in the area. Went for a 10 mile mountain bike ride to a crazy beautiful overlook on Saturday, then road biked through Arches National Park yesterday (roughly 28-30 miles) and today it's a 1o+ mile kayak on the Colorado River...yay! Here's a photo at the start of the bike ride - the rocks on the left are named "The Three Gossips" because that's what they look like. So cool.

Now, what DOES SUCK is Hurricane Gustav. It's just strange to be on such a beautiful vacation, in the middle of red rock country, when a family I know and love is bracing for the hurricane, and it's starting to hit.

Since CNN can be way to annoying, here's a link to Sarah's blog as she sits in a house in Pearl River...right where the storm is heading in about one hour...unfortunately, this stupid blog post only emails out once a day and I can't figure out how to get it to post right away, so this is the best I can do!

http://www.gustavhurrication.blogspot.com/

Hope everyone has a safe Monday!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 8/22

Today's BLIRT is dedicated to mid-life crisis' everywhere!

Obviously, Justin Timberlake is sporting a mid-life (but isn't he too young) if he's really going to put out a song with Brit Brit. Do not get me wrong...I will love the song(s) and will 100% buy the album, but I don't approve of this at all.

Also in mid-life...Ricky Martin is a daddy of twins born via surrogate. How else?

Angie Harmon is breeding yet again (she's 36 years old), so this will be kid #3. And I'm sure she'll still have a fantastic body after another.

So why my fascination today with mid-life issues? Well...a girlfriend of mine that I've known since high school mentioned today that she felt like I was a bit off this year and asked if I'm going through a mid-life crisis. The only thing I could do was acknowledge that, yes, I am! DUH!

I'm 37 and I think that now that we live so much longer than we used to (hopefully, anyway), that we deserve not one, but possibly two mid-life crises in a lifetime. So maybe they're coming a bit younger than normal, but more and more people I know are going through these in their late 30's. And if all the cool kids are doing it, it has to be okay!

That could just mean that we'll have two fantastic cars to drive at some point in our lives. I'm already pushing for a Carerra as my next vehicle, so what in the world will I go for when the next crisis hits? It's just something to look forward to...

In honor of Mid-Life Crisis Friday, our BLIRTy Music Correspondent picked out the perfect tune without even knowing how perfect it is for today.

She is obviously still a little bitter over the BLIRT going out whenever the spirit moves me (which is not always on a Friday), so this also goes back to basics and honors the Friday Song of the Day...how much do we love her for scoping out these tunes?

"Ok here’s your Friday – OR WHATEVER DAY… song!"

O.A.R“Shattered (Turn the Car Around)”

http://www.myspace.com/ofarevolution

Speaking of something straight out of a mid-life crisis...I was traveling for business on Tuesday & Wednesday, and happened to open a closet door before turning in for the night. Whoever stocked this closet with the "apparel" below was OBVIOUSLY going through their second mid-life. Seriously? This was in a hotel room for...use? purchase? OMG, I don't really want to know! Can my employer not afford to put me up in a less-sketchy hotel?

PLEASE! SOMEONE PLEASE BUY AN AD FROM ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO PIMP MYSELF OUT!!!

On that note...have a fantastic weekend, and don't forget to wear a little animal print number this weekend!!!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 8/13

So one of the assistants in the office came in today completely SHOCKED that Aniston and Mayer are said to have broken up. Really? This is a shock for a 22 year old? Oh, these kids have so much to learn.

On a brighter side, OK! magazine says they're getting married, and Star has a headline that they're having a baby! Good stuff...good stuff.

OK! mag also shows Brit Brit looking all normal, cleaned up and mommy-like. I'm not going to play into that again. Give it time...give it time...

Have you seen the pics of Clay Aiken holding his new baby? What do you think? Maybe it's just me, but I had the same queasy feeling as when I saw the pregnant "guy"!!

Speaking of queasy feelings...how GROSS is it that while I wait for new counter tops to be installed in my house, I have to do dishes in the sink. And not just any sink...it's the frickin' BATHROOM sink! I've been pretty disgusted with this, so I thought I'd share a photo. Also, check out how tiny this sink is - I splash all over the place and have to wipe the floor after every wash. Cannot wait for this to be over!

I will say that to prep for the new counter tops I had to fix a broken strip of wood that supports them. Yep...felt like a bad a$$ at Home Depot...bought a power drill and stud finder...I should have purchased a tool belt, given all the tools I used trying to get the darn piece of wood screwed on!My gay friends in Cleveland asked me this weekend why I think I'm straight and said I live the perfect lesbian lifestyle...I'm sporty, I like to do construction projects, I like camping, I don't like to shop or wear dresses (although I have been trying more this summer). Just call me Butch!

So my BLIRTy Music Correspondent seems a little annoyed with me about the BLIRT being sent so randomly! Check out her rage and the Friday Song of the Day on Wednesday!!

"Ok you’re screwing me up with the inconsistencies of your blog lately, but I’ll send this today and then you won’t hear from me for two weeks because I’ll be on vacation next week! So use then when the time is right!

So I was never a big fan of this dude, but I think he did right with this one. And it’s a good summer song!"

Kid Rock : “All Summer Long”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwIGZLjugKA

I think she's slipping a bit with all the anger...it is a great song, but I think it's already over-played on the radio.

Anyway, have a great rest of the week!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 8/5...August 5th? Heck...

OMG it's August and I'm in a panic that summer is OVERRRRRRRRRR! Overly dramatic? I think not.

Just for that, let's start out with a Song for the Day:

"Remember this band from the 90s, the Verve – they did Bittersweet Symphony, which was so great,This is pretty cool – the oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh in it will stick in your head!"

The Verve : “Love is Noise”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmRJo8RQ5sA

Where the heck were the "headlines" today? Missing. But I can tell you that Morgan Freeman was in a car accident and was initially listed in "serious condition" and now he's in "good spirits." I'd be in good spirits, too, if I had a nice morphine drip. But he hurt his arm, neck & shoulders when the car he was driving "flipped several times." SEVERAL TIMES?! Crazy...where's Batman when you need him?

Speaking of shoulder injuries, get this...a co-worker of mine was walking around the office this morning with her arm in a sling. Of course I asked what happended, and apparantly Six Flags happened!

I think when you hit your mid-30's it's time to stop going to theme parks. Try some other dangerous sport where you have some control over whether you live or die or are mamed.

She was on Kingda Ka and had her arms up in the air and WHAM! Completely dislocated her shoulder and had to ride through the entire ride before being carted off to the hospital in an ambulance.

That's it for rollercoasters for Patti Lange.

Here's the ride and info from the website - and a clip for your viewing pleasure. In the clip, there's a dude they show on the ride with his cheeks flapping. I'm thinking my co-worker should have known to keep her arms down and hold on for dear life.

http://www.sixflags.com/greatAdventure/Rides/Kingdaka.aspx

The fierce Kingda Ka is simply the tallest, fastest roller coaster on Earth. This remarkable thrill ride breaks all world records for coaster speed and height, zooming from 0 to 128 mph in 3.5 seconds and catapulting you 45 stories into the sky.

Get propelled horizontally at 128 mph via hydraulic launch
Hang on tight as you shoot 90 degrees into a quarter-turn
Blast 456 feet high, then plunge vertically into a 270-degree spiral
Experience weightlessness as you swoop down a valley and up a 129-foot camel hump

So...I've been thinking about my BLIRTy readers for a while now...every time I walk out of the subway in the morning, I'm faced with the most vile smell. Often it comes with a nasty bit of brown or tan sludge on the sidewalk. Obviously it's from the trash, but every morning I have to wonder what the heck is in the trash every day that does this, and why can't they DOUBLE THE BAG if it leaks like this?

Why do I think of you when I see this nastiness?

Because I always want to take a photo for Show & Tell! How awesome was show & tell in grade school? I could never think of anything good to bring, so maybe I'm making up for lost childhood years now. Some kids had really good stuff. I had a stupid hamster or something common. If I could go back and do it again, I would take in a real live sample of this for show & tell. Not even kidding that this, or parts of this, are on the street every morning. 50th & 6th Ave. Check it out because it's a treat in the morning.

Equally a treat are my pics from the triathlon. Not even kidding that they're the WORST photos I have ever taken in my life, and I've taken some horrible pics. Not only do I look like a freaky man coming out of the swim, but my finish line photo is wretched. I think it's because I thought I was doing a sign for the devil, but someone told me it actually means "I love you." So I could have played that up a bit for someone special instead of freaking out and taking a horrible photo. Those "professional" photogs just lost my $4.95, though! Dude...learn how to air brush!

I may have been dying, but did I need to make that face knowing there were cameras? I had enough sense to take off my swim cap for the photo, but didn't think about smiling?




Seriously...I really did think, "why am I doing a devil sign with my hands?"

Anyway, have a great Tuesday, and don't forget to pick up a copy of PEOPLE magazine with the pics of the 5th & 6th coming! Them babies are very cute...

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 7/28 & NJ State Sprint Triathlon Results

All About ME!
Well...after thinking Bib #702 was out to get me, and after having a sore throat all weekend and worried I wouldn't be healthy for the race, I have to say I ended up kicking some Jerzey butts! Granted, most of them were 63 year old men, but don't think I wasn't happy to whizzzzz by them on the bike!

Since I didn't know anyone at the event, I asked a nice gentleman to take a photo of me with the Finish line in the back. He was funny and made sure I told everyone that the race time on display was NOT my final time...AS IF!



Here are results for Patti Lange Bib #702:

• Placed 299 out of over 1,000 entrants in the Sprint Distance; placed 91 out of 475 women (top 20%...I'll take it!)
• Ranked 162 out of everyone in the swim (yay! I told you I'm like a fish!)
• Finished 500m swim, 11.5 mile bike and 5k run in 1:18:17

So I was all excited about doing the race in pigtails so I'd have a fun finish line photo...but something happened at the end and I'm not sure what I did...Instead of the traditional thumbs-up pose, as I'm running through the finish I remember thinking, "HUH? Is that the sign for the devil you're running through the finish line with?" Oh, brother. What will that photo look like???? I won't know until Brightroom posts the pics.

FRIDAY SONG OF THE DAY...ON MONDAY!

I love this song and video, but seriously...how many people go through this at the alter? Must be a ton with so many songs, videos and movies with this storyline. But this one is very well done!

Death Cab for Cutie : “Cath”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY1ahFCYT5k

CELEBRITY JUICE...HOW I LOVE THE NY POST!

• Did Lindsay get sideswiped by a motorcycle, or not?
• Shia is in deep shiat after the little DUI and truck roll in LA...he should stick with hanging out drunk in Walgreens stores!
• HOLY CRAP! Rick Springfield is releasing a new album tomorrow!!!! I'm sooooo getting in line for that one! And how funny that he's going a song on GH called, "What's Victoria's Secret?" hysterical!

So hope you get through Monday okay and have a great week!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 7/23

So here's my theory on Christian Bale...I think when people are crazy stressed & pushed to the point of exhaustion, they can snap at the littlest things. Take, for instance, when I'm stressed and also starving hungry (oooh...deadly combination), I may just need to throw that sandwich across the room if someone looks at me funny!

The Mr. Lange has learned through the years that he needs to lock me in a room and throw a raw piece of meat inside and lock the door for about 30 minutes.

So I think Batman maybe has a blood sugar problem and maybe needs to eat better and more often. And maybe sleep at some point. NO...not an excuse for anything that he may have done to his mother...there's no excuse for that. But maybe he needs to rest and eat.

Also this week, Brit Brit got in hot water once again. Seriously, just when you think there's a slight chance she'll act like a real person and be a somewhat normal adult, there's the huge photo plastered on the NY Post with Sean Preston grabbing for the cigs just like his mommy & daddy. Nice.

Now...I'm all in support of being Pro Choice, but maybe Sherri Shepard should have practiced safer sex at some point...the NY Post quoted her as saying she "had more abortions than I would like to count." Oh, MY GOODNESS!

On a personal note, I have a few days until my NJ State Sprint Triathlon - YAY! Unfortunately, I just found out yesterday that my bib # is 702. Now I'm nervous because this is the area code for Las Vegas, and I have never gotten out of Vegas on a good note! Something always manages to bring me down in that town! Yes, I still love The Vegas, but this number cannot bode well for my race.

Finally - so as not to annoy anyone with 2 BLIRTS in one week, I will wait until Monday to send out the Song of the Day and will fill you in on my race results. But think of me on Sunday morning at 7:45am and send me good vibes, please!

Have a great day and enjoy the rest of your week!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT & WHO GOES TO IDAHO?

MY IDOL
Good Luck and Kick Butt going out to a BLIRTy reader in NYC who is sort of a 'mini-me' but much younger, much more fit, much cuter and so much funnier than I could ever imagine to be. Okay, we're really not alike at all. We like the same stuff, but she's better at everything and I know not to compete against her at anything. The girl is nuts, really, but she is someone who I wish I could be. So ROCK IT, SUPER GIRL!

Anyway, this weekend she's participating in the NY Triathlon, which means that if she survives swimming in the Hudson, I will definitely think she's a super hero.

She is an amazing athlete, so if you feel like looking her up, her name is Miriam Weiskind. For info on the race and a course map, click on this link:

http://www.nyctri.com/Event_Info/Course/Map.htm

FINDING MY NEW CRUSH IN IDAHO
Yep...who goes to Idaho? I know absolutely nothing about the state, so I da ho who go this weekend!

Don't knock it until you try it...I'm off to Coeur d'Alene for a couple of days of kayaking and hiking and exploring a bit.

Actually, after being lucky enough to go to a preview of Dark Knight last night, I've decided to go on a hunt for Gotham and find the new love of my life, Batman! I will say that even with all of the hype, the movie does not disappoint. I'm going through a lot of emotions right now...swooning over Christian Bale and dying to drive the Batmobile, awed at everything about Heath and the Joker, fascinated by Two Faced, interested to see if Maggie Gyl(whatever) has any "work done" in the coming year.

I'm not a comic book follower - at all - so how is it that the only two movies I've seen to this year are Dark Knight and Iron Man? I may be turning into a dude.


ADDICTED TO BAD TV
Clearly not a DUDE "thing" is my horrible obsession with America's Got Talent that I'm watching on DVR right now. I'm fascinated by The Hoff (how much work has he had done?) and I get seriously angry every time the camera goes to Jerry Springer and he pretty much repeats exactly what someone else just said. I can't take it. Maybe I'll dress up as him for Halloween, even though I was really hoping to go as Zellweger. Decisions, decisions.

Okay, I have to go pack...please send out good vibes to Mirm for the triathlon this weekend!

Have a fantastic weekend...I'm off!

THE BLIRT 7/11

A friend of mine was driving behind a garbage truck on the NJ Turnpike yesterday and the cover on the truck kept bouncing up and down. He kept watching it...worried that trash was going to bounce out and hit his car...when he realized that on top of all the trash was a DEAD HORSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Get outta here! How could he not take a picture of that? You people need to keep that camera phone handy AT ALL TIMES! Seriously, that sort of crap can be sent to Leno or Letterman or, better yet, THE BLIRT! hahaha.

I'm so jealous that didn't happen to me, but I totally appreciate the humor of a guy from Tampa driving in NJ and witnessing such a sight.

Speaking of such a sight, how brilliant are some of the headlines in today's NY Post:

Re: Brinkley/Cook Divorce Settlement: "Christie Crushes Cheater Re-Peter"

In the story, "what he gets" includes "His precious Web cam."

OMG so much fun today!

Also, I cannot wait until the next Celebrity Rehab. Did you watch last season with Jeff Conaway? Total wreck! Next up is Gary Busey who will be on to "help the patients" because he's been clean for years...really? awesome.

So here's your Friday Song of the Day, and have a beautiful weekend!

REM : “Hollow Man”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2PbySA3DAg

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 6/27

TELL ME you don't miss the days of Brit Brit! Even after the emotional roller coaster she put me through for the past few years (praying that she'd make a comeback or at least be a train wreck with a great, well-mixed/edited album...then the disappointment of the album combined with her being a total mess) and even after saying I'm done with her, I realized that I miss her dearly.

Blame it on this clip from America's Got Talent that I referenced last BLIRT (copy & paste to your browser):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKyCakDuQFQ

Seriously, he's amazing and he puts a little bit of Brit Brit back into our lives. Thank you, Derek!

Good stuff on the Madonna front...she's looking to hire Paul McCartney's divorce lawyer. I actually feel sorry for Guy Ritchie. Did you see them on the red carpet recently where the reporter asked him questions and she answered for him? Wives are btchs.

Speaking of wives being btches, I am definitely one of those! So...the hubby isn't around much these days (probably because I'm horrible to live with!) and I now realize how much toilet paper I actually go through. So now I can't scream about "what, am I the toilet paper fairy that's sole responsibility in life is to put a new roll on the holder?"

I have no one to blame for anything and it really blows!!!

So have a great Friday and a fantastic weekend and enjoy the Friday Song of the Day from our BLIRTy Music Correspondent! I'm off...

"Coldplay’s album is #1 today so let’s go with that…
I keep calling this song “Living La Vida Loca” by accident – I’ve got to stop that!"

http://www.last.fm/music/Coldplay/_/Viva+La+Vida

THE BLIRT 6/20 & Friday Song of the Day

How many people are actually working today? Well, I'M NOT!

It's my first Summer Friday, my friends. I have to brag that New York is the best city to work in during summertime. Where else do you get to pick Fridays to have off just for the heck of it? Okay, maybe LA, but that doesn't even make sense!

What DOES make sense is the BLIRTy reader who thought my neighbor in The 'Wood may have had a fig tree in the yard under the tarp...here's her supposedly true account, and I cracked up at her cracking up, so I have to print her entire response:

"You just made me laugh so HARD with your Fig tree comment! thanks for the MUCH needed laugh!!!

P.S. I will give you some "inside information" regarding my vast Fig tree knowledge.....

When I was working at [deleted company name] (for seven years 2000-2007) there were these little-ish trees outside the side back entrance and I would notice that they would cover them up with huge blue plastic tarps for like a month and I was all confused about it...so I did some investigative work and was told they were FIG trees....end of story, all matter of fact --no big deal like--- and then one morning I was on my way in and they were uncovered and LO AND BEHOLD there were figs growing on those trees, I even picked one and put it on a coworkers desk as a joke and proof that these mysterious blue tarp covered trees were indeed FIG trees!

By the way, this is incredible knowledge for all of our BLIRTy readers. Once again, I provide an invaluable service and always aim to educate!

Here's an interesting Friday Song of the Day from our BLIRTy Music Correspondent, and she says:

"Yes, you read right – the band’s name is Black Kids."

Black Kids : I’m Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance
(believe it, or not, they're listed under "Indie / Crunk / Religious")

http://www.myspace.com/blackkidsrock

Enjoy the song, have a great Friday and a fantastic weekend!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 6/18

WHAT GOES ON IN THIS WORLD??

Even with all the horrible crap in this lifetime, there's so much entertainment around us everywhere that I can't contain myself tonight.

As I type, I'm STOKED that America's Got Talent is getting ready to start. How can you not laugh at The Hoff and Jerry Springer? OMG, I'm dying.

Living Lohan...,Richards, It's Complicated...Celebrity Circus (cannot wait) and now this? It'll be filmed in Vegas with Jerry Springer as the host! I'm dying to give you all a play-by-play, but I'm going to have to shut my trap very soon so I can soak it all in and get just a little bit more stupid. At the very least, I'll realize I have no talent but I may also realize I'm less of a tool than The Hoff (at least I hope).


I actually feel like a bit of a tool...remember the giant random thing covered up in the yard in Maplewood? Well, mystery solved. Unfortunately, it was NOT a fig tree as one BLIRTy reader suggested (but this makes me very curious about how fig trees grow and if you put bags over them at any point and if they look like big rectangular blocks).


Another BLIRTy reader solved it...it must have been an oil tank being replaced in someone's yard because now there's a big patch of dirt that looks like something (or someone) was buried in the ground.


I went for a jog tonight and saw another one and would have been WIGGED OUT if I hadn't known about the oil tank trend going on in the 'wood.


But I have one new thing to share, of course...I totally appreciate when people don't just get mad, but they get ticked off and do something about it. Took this photo on my walk to the train station this morning. How awesome that they wrapped a bag under the sign!!! This is sumpn' special!



OMG, I love Sharon Osbourne....and the Brit Brit impersonator got through to the next round and he made me really want the old-school, hot, hair-extension wearing, lip syncing Brit Brit back! Come back to us, Brit Brit!!!


I'm off!

THE BLIRT 6/6

Imagine my surprise when this friend and BLIRTy reader from NYC sent this little tidbit of info:

"I just want you to know that as of tonight, Charlie Sheen and I are family. Brooke, a relative of mine (my cousin’s daughter), is marrying Mr. Sheen. Let the wild partying begin!

[I edited out a line about certain types of jokes] Any other snide comments are welcome. (By the way... I’m not kidding. Totally serious.)"

Please, please, please invite me to your family bbq's...please alert me when they're in NYC and where I can go to stalk them (I actually very much love Charlie Sheen for some reason!)...

I'm certain that BLIRTy readers have many, many questions, so write in and I'll see if my source will answer some!

In the meantime, let me start with a few of my own:

Is she really in love with him? Is she a good person? Is she a gold-digger? Was there a pre-nup? What does your family think about this? Is it all the buzz in the family these days?

AWESOME!

I'm not sure if I'm more curious about Brooke or about what's under the tarp in the neighbor's yard. But I will report back on both as soon as I have more info.

So have an awesome HOT HOT HOT weekend, and here's a hot song for your Friday Song of the Day:

Big Blue Ball : “Burn You Up, Burn You Down”

"Oh – who the hell is Big Blue Ball? Everyone should recognize this familiar voice – it actually says who it is when you pull it up on You Tube."


http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KE7U7yrR-k0

I'm off...

THE BLIRT POLICE 6/4

WOW!!! I definitely got a lot of support for wearing a dress on Monday, and most people were okay that I commuted in flip flops. I may just keep working on being a girl this Spring!

Three (3) BLIRTy readers offered very welcome constructive criticism, which I'm always open to...do not fear (of course, I may call you out for it if I don't like it, but that's just the chance you'll have to take!! I very much love to start fights). But here's what I got:

"your dress is fine and you look cute. but it's not terrible corporate looking, which could be reason. or maybe she objected to the white jacket. paired with the dress, it's a little schlubby vs. chic. (sorry if that's blunt)"

Yes, definitely not corporate looking - especially with the Ponytail Patti look that I try to avoid at work unless the weather is horrible or I'm just lazy. But it was Monday and I was tired and it was going to be a hot day and I didn't have any major meetings. The dress does look much cuter without the jacket (SHOW MY NEW GUNS!), so I'll see if there's a cute sweater that I can pair it with for the cold train/office...

"Button the shirt and tie the belt outside? Lose the belt? Lose shirt? Lose belt and shirt? How about a big colorful necklace? Just options...but overall great work outfit. I think she was just being picky...you look GREAT! We should fearlessly wear skirts and flaunt that that is ONE thing that men may try but we will ALWAYS do better :)"

Love the empowerment statement - YEAH! Girl Power!

Now, the next GUY first said he was fine with everything...but...do we think he has some issues?

"Except the flip flops. Personally, not a fan. I understand, the commute and all. But not only do they make that sound, they also are supposed to be bad for your feet/arches. There is a difference between hi-end flip-flops and shower shoes, but not much."



When I asked him about an alternative to the flip flop, I got a huge RANT back about all things fashion. Please note that I refuse to take any heat for this GUY's opinion, but I absolutely had to share because there are all kinds of issues in these thoughts/feelings!!!! Tell me if you don't pee your pants while reading this crap!

"Re: flip flops: I have no answer, and no fashion sense, so I can’t help you.The fashion rules I live by:

-- Pleated pants suck. They make men look like schlubs and women look like moms. Pleated shorts are equally as bad.

-- Sweat pants/yoga pants/stretch pants, whatever: they are for the gym, only. They probably shouldn’t even be worn en route to the gym. They definitely don’t belong in the supermarket, esp not on the large lady getting the gallon of ice cream and party-sized bag of chips.

-- Shoes and belt should match, which is why I only own black leather shoes and black leather belts. Braided belts are bad. Belts should be worn every day and pants should not ride below a person’s ass. A shoeshine costs $3 and is worth every penny. Tip generously.

-- On a straight man, unless you are a cowboy, Levi’s are the only brand of jeans you need to know. If you are a cowboy, you can also wear Wranglers.

-- Jewelry is for women. Men wear a watch, maybe a wedding ring. Not earrings, not necklaces, not bracelets, and not pinky rings. Though I think the pinky ring could be ironic, like the ‘hipster mustache.’ Women can wear whatever jewelry they want, but piercings shouldn’t set off the metal detector.

-- Solid colors are less likely to clash. Also, clothes should be relatively free of logos/brands/funny messages. One or two excellent t-shirts are a fine exception.

-- When in doubt, just wear black.

-- For black-tie events, a black suit with a white shirt and a black (non-bow) tie is fine. Unless coerced by a very good friend or family member for a wedding or securing a super-cool costume for Halloween, there’s never a reason to wear rented clothes."

I would like to suggest Lucky Brand jeans for dudes as a better option...they make the tushy look nice!

Fast forward...I typed the above on Wednesday before heading to my first Yoga class that was amazing but may be my last. Anyway, I believe I just SPIT in that BLIRTy reader's face after Yoga tonight. Not on purpose to be mean, but it just happened...on an accident.

I was a NASTY, SWEATY PIG after almost 2 hours of Yoga, but instead of changing afterwards, my 2 friends and I stayed in our SOAKING WET yoga pants and wife beater tank tops and actually walked down the street to Cafe Socialista (? is that the name?) on 16th Street. Yep...sat on their nice furniture, had a nice dinner and a nice couple of glasses of wine. AND, to top it off, I also wore my flip flops!!!!!

I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself for that, or if I feel a little horrified that I went against everything in his lecture. Hmmm...

Okay, you'll have to hear from me one more day this week...I couldn't help myself. Talk to you tomorrow!

BLIRTy girl signing off...

THE MID-WEEK (or Monday) BLIRT 6/2

I do not wear dresses. I wear pants. Mostly black pants and a plain top. No patterns. Every now and again I'll be adventurous and wear brown pants. With a plain top. No patterns.

This Spring I decided to venture out and made a few "girl" purchases. Wore a wrap dress on Friday and another dress-thingy today.

I thought everything was going well, until this: I'm waiting for my morning coffee when a woman in a pants suit looked over at me and GAVE ME THE ONCE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even kidding. I watched her do it the entire up and down and back up again, then stared her in the eye with a furrowed brow, then turned my head as my look changed to the wide-eye look of sheer surprise. WHY DID I GET THAT?

I am fairly used to getting hit on by chicks, as I do have abnormally high levels of testosterone. But this wasn't a pick-up. Something was clearly wrong with my outfit, here's what I looked like...including my commuting flip flops. Ideas (I take criticism very, very well, by the way)?

I asked my NEW assistant take the photo - YAY! I finally have an assistant after Corinne left me a month ago (traitor). I wonder if she'll come back for a second day after realizing I'm a kook.

And I apparently live in a kooky neighborhood. As a refresh, I live in The Jerz...Maplewood, Jerz. Here's something I thought was odd - what could be under this tarp? If it were April, I'd guess it was some sort of Christmas ornament still not put away, but I'm a bit perplexed by the shape of this...bodies, perhaps?

So thanks for letting me rant before Friday. I may try to insert a little celeb ranting this Friday...we have a BLIRTy reader who has a newly VERY FAMOUS RELATIVE that is in the news this week that I have to tell you about, and I may need to moan and groan about Living Lohan. Or that may need a special BLIRT because it's just that much of a train wreck. NJ versus LI, my friends...bring it!

So have a great day!

I'm off...

THE BLIRT 5/30 & Cancer Sucks

I have to start out on a downer note today, but it's only because I love my BLIRTy readers (I'll try to not be too preachy). But if you smoke cigs, I have to beg you to please stop!! I saw lung cancer in action a couple of years ago and now I'm seeing what throat cancer can do to a person - everything about it is just sad.


Barbara Wawa just did a special on living into our hundreds and MAN, I got so suckered into believing that science is going to keep Patti Lange kicking forever! Now I just hope there will be better tests and cures for this stuff in my lifetime.


I now have an appointment with a dermatologist next week...I got my first mamogram a couple of months ago (that was a treat...I'll spare you details)...just had an X-Ray on my ankle...may need an MRI on my knee...should get my liver checked out?

What else can I get checked??!! (my head, perhaps?) PANIC CITY! I think I need to take a leave of absence and spend my summer touring doctor's offices!


This also puts a serious damper on my new desire to get a tattoo. I have NEVER in my life wanted one before, but a couple of weeks ago I decided that I DESPERATELY NEED to get a lizard on the back of my neck (something like the pic below)! I know it's not normal, but I love lizards and frogs! But will I get Hep C or HIV? Ohhhh...

On a lighter note and going waaayyy back to last Friday, a BLIRTy reader in NYC totally one-upped me on the Flinstone's reference (the bum in the subway screaming, "BAARRNNNEEEYY!" Well, she has a much better memory than me because I never picked up on this one:


"yeah, but he yelled “WIILLLLMMMAAAAA” when he was locked out, didn’t he??"

Brilliant.

Also brilliant is the Friday Song of the Day...YAY! I have to say I'm a little surprised that our Rocker-Chick BLIRTy Music Correspondent Who Declined to Send a Country Song a While Back(wow...new long title) picked this one, but I like it...

"Remember this chick? She was the lead singer of that 80s band Til Tuesday (they did that song Voices Carry). Anyway, this is her new solo song – I think it’s really good! You just open the site and the song should automatically play."

Aimee Mann : “Freeway”
http://aimeemann.com/

She looks so young in the photo...I guess the 80's didn't take a toll on her like so many others!

So have a BEAUTIFUL day and an awesome weekend!

I'm off...