Once again I pride myself on being service-oriented and OH, DO I HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU! Our DIRTy Dater Guy came through and is giving us the honor of looking into his world of dating divorced chicks. The poor guy somehow manages to meet girls who are in the middle of a divorce or are newly divorced, so I asked him to tell us what it's like to be on the receiving end of CRAZY.
From my own personal experience and from what I have seen from the many divorced chicks I know, it's true that emotions are flying high and low for a while after the divorce. So I am fine with referring to myself as "crazy" and don't have a problem with divorced chicks, in general, being referred to as such. But on the other hand, I am now seeing a WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY from guys in their mid to late 30's and early 40's that you'll soon hear about.
We need a name for our DIRTy Dater Guy, so let me know if you have any fun ideas after you read his post.. I was thinking about Homer, in honor of Homer Simpson and how he always gives on-point advice (cough, cough). Let's just get right to it. Here is a little story from our guy, Homer. Feel free to express any and all comments with no worries about hurting feelings...consider this a therapy session!
I have to admit two things: 1) me and my divorced chick roommate laughed our butts off because it is sort of our life right now, and 2) I was impressed with the proper use of the word "whose."
HOMER'S VIEWPOINT
The divorced dirt chick thinks Men are Crazy – I’ve dated divorced chicks and I can say that most, if not all, are also crazy!!
The question my friends always ask after these ‘relationships’ (I use this term rather loosely) end is "why?" Other than the fact that I am a glutton for punishment, and obviously haven’t learned anything in life, I guess there are various reasons.
The first that comes to mind is that my friends and family probably thought I needed some loving so they decided to set me up with one of their ‘divorced friends,’ and usually one smack dab in the middle of their divorce. At the time, I more than likely REALLY needed some loving so I thought it was a great idea. Honestly, looking back, I still think it was a great reason – when you need sex you will basically go out with anyone – even crazy chicks in the middle of a divorce!
Seriously, they are an emotional mess BUT these women really seem to like sex, especially the ones who weren’t getting much in married life! What I didn’t understand at the time though was that all they really want is sex…not a relationship. Seems simple enough right? And as a guy it seems like the greatest situation in the world!! Well it’s not as easy as you think. Somehow they will make you think they want a relationship and they will want to spend every second with you – they seem to really like having you around. It’s probably because the ex was such a jerk or cheated on them or just was a crappy husband – I don’t know what the reason but they will want to talk to you, see you, text you, email you every second of every day. Whatever you do, do not start liking them and don’t act like you are in a relationship – that is the kiss of death! It’s a trap and if you fall for it things will go south in a hurry!
If you are not convinced divorced chicks are crazy, then if you get the opportunity to date divorced women whose husbands cheated on them, you will certainly find out that they are certifiably crazy! I have been lucky enough to get that opportunity…Yes, I know, I really am a lucky guy! I need to make this VERY important point…STAY AWAY FROM ANY WOMEN WHOSE HUSBAND HAS CHEATED ON HER! Did the caps make that clear?? Now I don’t mean stay away from them forever – just until they date several other guys and have completely moved past it (I don’t know if they ever completely move past it but let’s just say for purposes of this blog that someday they do).
One such woman was Kate. Kate was from Vermont (that should have been my first warning) had 2 pugs (an obvious 2nd warning), and getting a divorce from a guy who cheated on her (yes, I should have been running but I didn’t). Having been in this situation before I told Kate that we should take things slow, try to be friends until she was ready to date – she agreed. But then I made the mistake of sending her a card on her birthday and took her out to dinner as a birthday gift. Suddenly Kate just couldn’t get enough of me but I could tell she still had some heavy baggage from the ex.
As time went on (a few months of a lot of fun actually) the divorce started approaching and Kate began to lose it. She would want to hang out, we’d have a great time, then she wouldn’t want to see me, then a few days later she’d call and want to talk to me for 3 hours on the phone and tell me how much she liked me. To say I was getting mixed signals would be the ultimate understatement.
One day, she told me a story of how she found pictures of her ex and his new girlfriend in some compromising situations – I think that finally convinced me that this girl was not recovering any time soon, actually after hearing that story I just felt really bad for her…Luckily, soon after that she broke it off. However, one night I met up with her and her friends at a bar and she proceeded to get drunk and kissed me at the bar, and she would not stop holding my hand… We went back to her place and she told me I could sleep there so naturally I thought she might want to hook up. I was wrong. She was mad I tried something, I was beyond frustrated. I then proceeded to bang my head against a wall and got the hell out of there. That was the last time I saw Kate – she soon after moved across the country to get a fresh start (and hopefully become less crazy!).
While I laugh my butt off for the next few days, please discuss!!!!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
THE DIVORCE DIRT & MEN ARE CRAZY!!
(please note that the comments/quotes in this blog are a dramatization based on what I heard and not the actual comments/texts because they got so creepy that they have all been deleted. And I have my own opinions on the matter that may not be truly what is going on, but I think I'm right for the most part.)
I think I've made it very clear that I'm not in any mood to date (perhaps for the rest of my life), but I've been hanging out with a divorced girl who has guys coming out of the woodwork to date her...and her adventures are CRACKING ME UP!
Before I get into the faults of men, I would just like to say that WE ARE PERFECT! And we have yet to hear from our guy guest correspondent on the issues of women, so I have every right to be one sided at this point (this rant is his own fault for not enlightening us in how much of a mess we are).
My friend - we'll call her Magda as a variation of Magnet - and I are thinking of grouping guys into categories. We will discuss these categories at length at a later date, but today I would like to first just talk about THE STALKERS.
Stalkers start off all sweety tweety and they make us think that they are the most amazing guys in the world! You just cannot believe there is a guy out there that actually exists with these amazing qualities. They are tentative, they hold open doors for you, they are understanding when you complain that there's a former stalker in your life who won't go away. "Oh, I cannot believe guys are desperate like that!" they say.
Then, when the relationship should be moving from the crazy, passionate, "I really hope he likes me as much as I like him" stage to a more comfortable one where you're pretty secure that you'll see him the next weekend, he keeps going. You keep getting the text first thing in the morning, such as, "Good morning, Beautiful! I love you so very much and can't wait to talk to you today!" And you get teddy bears and hearts sent to your facebook wall so everyone can see that you are HIS. After waking up and realizing you have a stalker, you feel like if you get one more cutesy thing on your FB wall that you're going to go ballistic.
And then you get one.
And then you feel like sending THIS to his wall:
I am sorry to laugh at the situation, because I know it's going to bite me in the A$$ at some point, but this has happened to Magda recently and I think stalking is more common than we think.
I also think that MEN ARE CRAZY.
Not to spill too much of Magda's chit, but one particular stalker guy was living in another state and after 3 months of dating was secretly moving in with her without her knowledge. She knew he was going to leave "a few winter clothes" since he had plane tickets from a warmer state to the Northeast for 3 weekends in Dec/Jan, but you let me know if you think this is normal:
It has gotten so ridiculous that I have a suitcase packed (did I not mention that he also left a suitcase?) and I am heading to his home state this week and have every intention of dropping the luggage off with his mother! If we can't get her address, I am happy to rent a locker at the airport and have her send him the code to pick his crap up!!!!
What's a girl to do??????
Do I ever want to date EVER?
Divorcé Dater Guy, do you have any advice?
Does anyone have any stories they'd like to tell or any categories of men they run into on a regular basis?
I think I've made it very clear that I'm not in any mood to date (perhaps for the rest of my life), but I've been hanging out with a divorced girl who has guys coming out of the woodwork to date her...and her adventures are CRACKING ME UP!
Before I get into the faults of men, I would just like to say that WE ARE PERFECT! And we have yet to hear from our guy guest correspondent on the issues of women, so I have every right to be one sided at this point (this rant is his own fault for not enlightening us in how much of a mess we are).
My friend - we'll call her Magda as a variation of Magnet - and I are thinking of grouping guys into categories. We will discuss these categories at length at a later date, but today I would like to first just talk about THE STALKERS.
Stalkers start off all sweety tweety and they make us think that they are the most amazing guys in the world! You just cannot believe there is a guy out there that actually exists with these amazing qualities. They are tentative, they hold open doors for you, they are understanding when you complain that there's a former stalker in your life who won't go away. "Oh, I cannot believe guys are desperate like that!" they say.
Then, when the relationship should be moving from the crazy, passionate, "I really hope he likes me as much as I like him" stage to a more comfortable one where you're pretty secure that you'll see him the next weekend, he keeps going. You keep getting the text first thing in the morning, such as, "Good morning, Beautiful! I love you so very much and can't wait to talk to you today!" And you get teddy bears and hearts sent to your facebook wall so everyone can see that you are HIS. After waking up and realizing you have a stalker, you feel like if you get one more cutesy thing on your FB wall that you're going to go ballistic.
And then you get one.
And then you feel like sending THIS to his wall:
I am sorry to laugh at the situation, because I know it's going to bite me in the A$$ at some point, but this has happened to Magda recently and I think stalking is more common than we think.
I also think that MEN ARE CRAZY.
Not to spill too much of Magda's chit, but one particular stalker guy was living in another state and after 3 months of dating was secretly moving in with her without her knowledge. She knew he was going to leave "a few winter clothes" since he had plane tickets from a warmer state to the Northeast for 3 weekends in Dec/Jan, but you let me know if you think this is normal:
- 18 Business Ties (yes, eighteen! Not a joke. I counted them when I helped to pack his chit).
- A BATHROBE! Really? Bathrobe? I'm not sure if he packed the kitchen sink, but if you pack a bathrobe for short weekend trips I think that is an issue.
- One Peacoat. Normal, I think.
- Full on business suit. For vacation???? Really???
- A biker jacket with METAL SHOULDER PADS AND METAL TO COVER ELBOWS! What the heck is this, even?
- Black hightops with straps/buckles like the ones on ski boots. These things are heavy!
- And there is an entire humongous trash bag now stuffed to the top with clothes.
It has gotten so ridiculous that I have a suitcase packed (did I not mention that he also left a suitcase?) and I am heading to his home state this week and have every intention of dropping the luggage off with his mother! If we can't get her address, I am happy to rent a locker at the airport and have her send him the code to pick his crap up!!!!
What's a girl to do??????
Do I ever want to date EVER?
Divorcé Dater Guy, do you have any advice?
Does anyone have any stories they'd like to tell or any categories of men they run into on a regular basis?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
THE DIVORCE DIRT & 2010 ALREADY ROCKS!
On 12/31 I thought, "no way could one day/date make a difference," but BEHOLD! I have to brag that I woke up on Friday morning, January 1st, with a new attitude and a new outlook on life. Granted, I woke up in LA and planted my tushie on a swingset on Hermosa Beach and enjoyed my Starbucks while swinging away & watching the sun come up over the Pacific Ocean (left coast jet lag...I was the only person up at 6am).
But I have hope for me, for my buddies who are looking for jobs or going through the beginning stages of divorce. 2009 must have been the year for people to say goodbye to life as they knew it, whether it was the death of a loved one, the death of a marriage, the death of a long-term relationship or the death of a career. Friday morning we all started over!
Special thanks go out to my buddies on the West Coast for helping to kick off my year with a smile: Rick, Barrett, Tamar, Matt, Nicole, Mary, Debbie, Sharon, Mike, Ragan, beam-me-up Scotty and the waitresses at Good Stuff where I had a lovely breakfast on the beach every morning. We ALL had crap in 2009 and were very happy to kick off the new year together.
Also a success was my new body ink! HELLO LIZARD TATTOO! HELLO BODY THAT IS NOW MINE ALL MINE! I will always have a buddy with me to go hiking, biking, running, drinking, or just watching Bad Girls Club on cable (which is tremendously awful). He's going to LOVE living and exploring life with me and I cannot wait to take him on many adventures!
On an aside, this is Rick and Barrett - they were my escorts for my tattoo adventure and my buddies for the weekend. They are much fun!
Thanks to my cute escorts, my tattoo artist (Tiffany) was very gentle (but let's be honest, it still hurt):
This is NOT the tattoo I chose, but it was quite interesting in the sketch book! Anyone know someone who has this???
And here you go...the tattoo that will be on my saggy body in 30 years, if I make it that long:
THE GUY WHO DATES DIVORCED CHICKS!
OH, have I got a treat for you! At least it sounds like a good idea in theory - we'll see if he can actually deliver the "goods"!!! Anyway, I met a guy who seems to have a way of meeting and dating divorced chicks. I gather from the tone of his voice that it is NOT by choice! Regardless, I suggested that he should become some sort of Divorcee Stud Muffin and offer his services for the greater good. When that didn't fly, I talked him into being a guest speaker on my blog!
It is currently a work in progress since he unwillingly agreed to do this only a few hours ago, but I think he will be able to provide a valuable service to divorced chicks everywhere by telling us if our bitter hagginess drives single guys bananas, by helping us understand if we come off as whack jobs, by helping us understand what a dude thinks when he finds out we're totally divorced, recently divorced or going through a divorce, ETC. I'm so excited about this!
FACEBOOK RULES
I explored this a little today in my Celeb Headlines email, which many of you are on, but next time I chat I'm going to talk about Facebook etiquette and dating. Do you Friend someone right away (I say no since I divulge every bit of my life on fb...oh, and the blog is different??)? Do you accept a Friend request right away? Or how do you tell them "not right now, I have a 90 day waiting period"? So many questions...
Happy 2010 and I hope that everyone has a very good year - it may not be the best year ever and may be a more practical year than when the dough was rolling in a few years ago, but I think this will be the year to find real happiness. Let's do it!
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