Not to be too much of a tease with that headline, but I can do whatever I want when I write, WHICH IS WHY I WRITE...and it is a bit of a tease for this first post this evening! But I have two blogs that I will write/post tonight, so bear with me...one shows two people (me and a friend) who are going through similar chit but are about 4 months apart in what hey're wallowing in (perhaps only divorced chicks will be able to relate), and the second is about the insanity in my life and a first step in starting over.
Both blogs are going to be ridiculously long, so feel free to Unsubscribe and delete me if it's too annoying!! :) On the flip side, if you're going through this and want to add content, please feel free to email back to me or to make comments. Open forum.
PART I: SOUNDS FAMILIAR:
I first sent my friend a note to check in since I hadn't chatted with her in weeks, and to FRIENDS OF DIVORCED CHICKS, PLEASE NOTE: There is NO WAY your friend will ever reach out to you during a divorce!!! You have to be the one to reach out and tell her (as my friend, Stefani did one day), "btch, you're meeting me for lunch and it is not up for discussion." And even if you leave a voice mail on our phones that you're thinking about us (as my friend D did), it means the world even if we don't have the capacity to return the call.
We really do go into a hole and there is absolutely NOT A CHANCE IN HELL that we will call you to talk because we're sad or lonely or crying our eyes out...we don't want to talk to anyone during this time, but we really do have to do it and our friends need to make us do it!
But I wanted to print my friend's reply since it speaks to a lot of exactly what I was feeling before I started blogging (to start on the same page, my note to her mentioned I just moved in with a friend a few weeks ago and that friend has saved me from myself, basically). Here note is in red-ish and I'll keep my comments in blue.
"Thanks so much for writing. I can't tell you how great it is to hear from you, especially when I'm just starting the shit-ass journey that you've already taken, and your positivity and energy is absolutely inspiring.
Like you, I've moved into a new flat with a roommate since about two weeks ago. It IS a different life. I didn't plan to be a single girl in London, with a few friends and no family, but the people that ARE around have been amazingly supportive and caring. Like the girls on my dental nurse training course with me, and my tutors on the course (told you I swapped industries).
I just met them a few months ago, and I can't imagine why or how they care so much, but they do. For instance, on my birthday (which was seventeen days after [THE EX] dropped me off at a friend's house with my stuff in some plastic bags and a suitcase) they knew I didn't have any plans, so they threw me a surprise party at our local pub and baked me a cake. I was astounded. And humbled. They've held me when I broke down in tears on the clinic floor, called me for study dates, made dinner and drink plans, just sent me texts to let me know they're thinking of me...they're really getting me through this. I just don't feel so alone - which is ridiculous, because you and I both know we have lots of people that love us. Why the disappearance of our erstwhile husbands from our lives can make us feel so unloved and alone, or why THEY should be the great measurement of whether or not we're lovable...but there it is. And little daily reminders that I'm not alone - that even relative strangers think I'm lovable and worthwhile, and even you whom I haven't seen in years care enough to write - are absolutely saving my life.
I hear you about not wanting to wallow, too. I dread the time between end of work and going to work, because I've got too much fucking time to THINK. I used to be a night person and now I live for the days...I know it won't always be like this but right now I ain't sleepin' so well. THAT'S a good question for you...what do you do when you can't sleep?"
Lange Reply:
"what you wrote is alllllll very familiar, it's just so bizarre that we all go through the same shit.
I couldn't sleep in the beginning, either, and ended up turning into crazy download-music-girl and searched for new tunes and downloaded and burned cd's ALL THE TIME! It kept my mind from thinking. I couldn't read books or magazines and I couldn't even sit through a 30 minute sitcom. Just could not pay attention.
Facebook was a good distraction, also - did a lot of reading status updates and making comments. It was on ALL THE TIME and there was something comforting about being "social" on it when I had zero desire to be social. And as much as I prefer to make funny status comments, some days my updates were very dark and it was nice to hear people say they loved me and to hang in there."
SOOOOO....THERE IT IS. It's not just this buddy of mine who is feeling this or has felt it. But I thank her for letting me post her email. I think it's helpful to us "divorced chicks" to know that it is NORMAL! I still laugh at that word more than you can imagine. Frickin' NORMAL!
There was more banter with me and my buddy, but I'm going to save some of it and get to a fun(ny) story for a change. As my man, Jay-Z, says, "ON TO THE NEXT ONE!!"
Wow.... so accurate... learned how to use limewire and download also....haha... and you can't help feel alone even when you have so much support around you.... its something only time can heal... :) 4 years later and my 9 years with Jim seems but a blip of my life, really.... It's like how you only remember a few things from college and you spent 4 years there, well, in time your marriage is like the same thing... little memories here and there. You will sleep again and you will feel again....love again? well, I am not ready for that, but we all heal differently... hang in there... :)))
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