First I would like to thank those who replied with notes of support and also advice on telling boys I'm not interested. A couple of favorites:
"Be bitter whenever you need to in that blog -- you've earned the right, and it's your blog, about your experience, including the real ups and downs of your own emotions; don't censor them. If you can't b*tch on the internet, where can you bitch these days?
And Single Patti and Married Patti are, deep down where it counts the most, the same person -- only, among other things, Single Patti doesn't have to wash anyone else's dirty underwear anymore. ;)"
"1) Can't go to a bar alone.. Let alone during a football game.. DUH!!!!
2) Just tell them you have a boyfriend or your a lezzie or you have p*nis.... that way you don't have to give out the number.. DUH!!!"
MOVING FORWARD
Today, a divorced-remarried and happy-now mother offered advice to learn from the past 15 years with my soon-to-be ex and grow from it, as opposed to being bitter and going into a hole and forever being single. Basically said to embrace the divorce. Which, while I do feel bitter right now, I also believe that I am already learning from the experience.
One of the first things I've learned is to actually SPEAK UP instead of doing what I was trained to do since childhood and shove every issue under a rug.
So I very much pity any future boys that I may go out with. There are YEARS of pent up thoughts just waiting to get out!
Full Disclosure is my new motto.
Already learning!
I also decided this week that I will need boys to fill out an application, and that will solve a number of problems!
Boy: "hey, may I get your number"
Patti: "well, my policy is that you must first fill out this application for approval, submit online, and I will be in touch if you meet the criteria."
Help me with the questionnaire, please! Here are a few thought starters:
* Are you married?
* Do you have a girlfriend?
* Are you married AND have a girlfriend?
* When flying, do you assume the armrest is for dudes only? Both armrests?
* Do you hike, bike, run, swim, or have other outdoor sports interests?
* How often do you work past 9pm?
* How often do you travel for work, and typically how many days on average per trip?
* How often do you travel for leisure?
* Do you think you have a large gut?
* Do you think you have a somewhat round, but you think cute, gut?
* Do you honestly have a gut?
(Let's be honest...I hate looking at my body and I work out as much as possible, so I don't want to hate the dude's body, too...a round gut is a deal breaker)
* What type of health plan and coverage do you have?
(The divorced girls and I realized that this is a MUST on the application since our health plan is changing next year and our plans are no longer top notch)
* Do you floss? If so, how often?
* What do you like about yourself?
Okay, so I think that should get things started.
Feedback? Well, feedback other than noting that I am shallow, because that would not be news to me. AND I'm not even divorced yet (news to the soon-to-be ex), so don't bring me down by throwing out that moral crap!
Gotta have FUN, people...light in darkness...
Have a great weekend and I'll try to not blog twice in one week unless something juicy happens!
(Please feel free to Unsubscribe at any time!)
Additional question: in 30 seconds or less, please name the ingredients to a Kamakaze, margarita, rum rummer, and sex on the beach (sure as hell don't want someone who thinks of PBR as "top shelf")
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! Definitely a great question. I can hear it now, "what's wrong with PBR?"
ReplyDeleteWhat about when was the last time you bought new underwear? Very important--holes just don't work. (and of course there is the answer that you might not want like "who wears underwear?)
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! So true...holes in underwear, holes in t-shirts...why is that?
ReplyDeleteAND ANOTHER: How often do you buy toilet paper? How often do you buy toothpaste? the list could go on!