After writing about being "outed" by Darkness last month, a DIRTy reader replied with some great advice that I think applies to everyone and not just divorced chicks:
I didn't get married till I was 34 (and my husband was 42) 'cause all I ever met were slimeballs (until I met my husband), and I really lucked out in the husband department but that's because I never lost the faith that there was a still a decent guy out there.
I suggest you keep a notebook and start listing all the qualities that are "must-haves" in a mate. You can also list "like-to-have" qualities or characteristics as well (physical attributes), but the "must-haves" are the most important items. In a short story that I wrote once about this exact topic, I called my notebook "Committing Your Man (To Paper)" because I find that the written word is much more powerful than just wishing for these things in your head, and sort of cements your wishes to the universe (without trying to be all religious/spiritual, blah, blah, blah). It took years to complete my notebook (but I did start it when I was in my early twenties) - every time I met someone new, I would think about the qualities that I found most endearing about them, and if I had to have those qualities in a mate, I would add them to my book. Once the book was complete, I left it in the drawer and almost forgot about it (only you will know when you've listed everything you need in a mate), until one day it dawned on me that my boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband) had every "must-have" on my list AND every "like-to-have" except for "taller than a soda machine" (yes, I did list that! I'm 5'9" and my husband is only one inch taller than me, but I always dated much taller men because I was so tall).
I think that's such a sweet story and also an interesting idea! So here's my list so far from the three boys I've met this year (I thank my Darkness once again for "outing" me from the black hole I was in for months), and please note that I reserve the right to change/update the list at any time as I get to know myself, as well.
MUST:
Make me laugh (non-negotiable). And I'm not just talking about stupid slapstick comedy. I'm talking about smart comments/banter that keeps me on my toes and makes me think in a different way. That's not saying I don't love a total goofball - I absolutely appreciate someone who will be goofy on a whim, like jumping into a fountain with his clothes on and not caring who's watching or what people think. That just makes life plain fun!
Be Honest. I think real honesty is tough to find in people, in general, and I thought it would take a very long time to ever trust a guy again. Then, BAM! The universe threw someone at me right away who is the most honest and open of any guy I've ever met in my life. Because of him I also see that some people think/say they're honest, but they may not even be honest with themselves.
It's funny how you learn about your own life through other people...
So that's it for now - just two Must Haves to get started. I know that these two will always be at the top of my list and I thank our DIRTy reader for sharing her story and advice!
Have a great day and I'll speak at ya again soon!
