THE DIVORCE DIRT 5/19 & WHO THE HECK KNOWS?

So...this Friday marks a year ago that my dad passed, which was also around the same time I realized the ex had already checked out of the marriage.  It was a great month!

It's been 5 months since the divorce and 9 months since we called it quits.  But I still cry everyday and can't help but look back and wonder what happened to the life I thought I had.  I knew we had problems, but never thought we wouldn't eventually figure it out.  I always thought we wouldn't have taken each other for granted if we never got married and just lived together forever.  I wonder if it would have been "forever" then?  After all, he was my best friend.  Who the heck knows?

I know a few couples who have horrible marriages (oh, they all come out of the woodwork when they find out you're divorced).  They fight constantly and actually say they can no longer stand their spouse.  But they won't split, mostly because they have kids.

I want to believe that if you're not happy, breaking free is the right thing to do and families are happier in the long run (including the kids).  But after living though this new life and going through a different emotion everyday, I wonder if living in the crap you know and dealing with it is the better choice.

I don't know if there will ever be an answer and I guess we all do what we think is right at the time, but who the heck knows?

I'm still thankful I don't have shared custody of anything with the ex.  I don't know how people survive having the other person in their life and having to watch them date and move forward.  It pains me to think I might run into the ex at some point.  I don't think I could handle it and I'm sure I would break into bits.
 
But while I work on trying to be happy, I've done more midlife crisis chit than I ever thought I was capable of!  I'm usually the girl who prefers sport socks over expensive shoes, likes to hike instead of shop and is way too practical to spend big bucks on the first version of any technology.  But now...

• I own two pair of Louboutin shoes, and they are spectacular!!
• I'm about to buy an iPad.
• If I didn't already own a convertible, I would get one.
• I booked a three week trip to Africa (and Amsterdam with Syd!!) and am about to go on the adventure of a lifetime! Kilimanjaro, safari and Vic Falls here I come!
• And to top it off, if I weren't against marriage so much, there's a chance I would get drunk and marry my cop boyfriend in Vegas next weekend!

I'm 39 years old and going through a CLASSIC midlife crisis.

But, really...WHO THE HECK KNOWS?!!