Hello, former BLIRT and former THE DIRTy readers!
First, some housekeeping:
a) I am changing it up a bit and will now be blogging - occasionally - about what a 38 year old woman goes through when she's getting divorced and starting life over. If you do NOT want to get these emails, please Unsubscribe with the link at the bottom of the page, or just please reply and ask me to delete your name from the distribution. Easy Peasy.
b) I intend this new blog to be entertaining, but I imagine I will be a bitter hag for a while before life is funny all the time again. In the meantime, I promise to try to be light when telling about my experiences.
c) If you are not getting the daily celeb headlines, but that is all you want from me, FINE! I still send them out, but I don't put them up on a blog and only send out via email. Please send me a note with the email address where you want to receive the celeb gossip.
NOW, LET'S GET THIS DIVORCE DIRT GOING!
What should be every woman's first purchase when she's getting divorced? A TOOL BAG OF MY VERY OWN!
I am officially IN THE MIDDLE of a divorce and the marriage is not officially dissolved yet, BUT I just learned that dudes apparently cannot wait to tell single chicks they are "DIVORCED," which is exactly what the soon-to-be ex is already doing. How do I feel? Bitter? Heck yeah! I guess I should have known early on when he wanted us to take our rings off one week after deciding to get divorced back in August so "we can both get used to it." I have many bitter thoughts in my head, but writing them will only make this blog about him when CLEARLY my blog needs to be about ME!
Since taking off the ring, I've been going through a major identity crisis. I have known Married Patti for over 12 years, but who is this Single Patti girl and how is she supposed to act in public? I have learned that I have a very flirtatious personality (I guess I should have listened to Mrs. Olivea in high school Spanish class who used to call me "flirty girl"!), so while I think I'm being entertaining, when there is no ring on the finger it can very easily be misunderstood. There's a good chance I've tried to pick up about 7 guys in the past two months without even knowing I'm trying to pick them up!!! haha!
Apparently it was misunderstood this afternoon as I sat at a bar by myself watching football.
- LESSON #1 is that chicks cannot sit at a bar alone ever! I was just sitting there enjoying my new hobby of watching the Miami Dolphins lose football games, when a dude sits down at the empty table right next to me and says, 'how you doin'?'
- LESSON #2 is that I need to learn to DECLINE giving out my number to perfect strangers!!! The guy was nice enough, but I'm not even divorced yet, I'm completely unstable and have zero interest in "getting to know" any member of the opposite sex for the rest of my life. But after making me chit chat for the entire 4th quarter, he was on his way out and said it would be fun to catch a college game together sometime. SO I SAY, "Oh, fun...yeah." and then he asked for my card.
I WAS JUST TELLING A BUDDY OF MINE THAT I NEED TO LEARN TO GIVE OUT A FAKE NUMBER! How do you do that? I'm not a fan of lying, and I find giving out a wrong number very hurtful. I also sucked at it in college and then ended up always trying to blow off the bozo who I gave my number to. This time I was thrown off with the 'do you have a card?' question. I didn't have a card in college!
I REALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS and am going to have to practice just saying, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested." How hard can that be??? It's five little words.
My homework until the next blog is to practice those five little words!
So there is your first installment of the DIVORCE DIRT. I hope it evolves into fun stories of dating if I ever decide to go that route again - pity the guys that say, "how you doin'" if that gets going.
Have a great week!
